Letting go and Gotcha day

At the same time we were adopting Emily in China, a baby boy was born back home. Since the moment his birth mother knew about him, she did not want to parent him. The opportunity to parent a newborn baby has seldom come and we jump in with both feet. Each month, I accompanied her to doctors appointments, and each and every month she will tell me the same. She did not and could not take care of another child, by herself. She was 26 years old, unemployed and living with her mom. She has a 6 years old son, a second daughter that she gave up for adoption to some acquaintance of us and a 7 month old daughter. All from different fathers that were not in her life or the kids life. Once again, she become pregnant and the birth father was overseas and did not want anything to do with her. One of the many reasons that she did not want to keep the baby. I find myself thinking, what are the chances we have on this adoption? It was so close to Emily's and I was worry about not been there when the baby was born. She had no worries and assure me once again that I was going to be the baby's boy mother.

The baby was born on March 1, 2007, while we were in China getting Emily. My MIL took her to the hospital and cared for her for 2 days. On the 3rd day when my MIL was supposed to pick up the baby and take him home, she changed her mind and decided to keep the baby and told my MIL over the phone, not to show up at the hospital because there was not going to be any baby to pick up. My MIL was devastated, as we were when she gave us the news. I hid my disappointment and disbelieve while going ahead with Emily's adoption in China. There was noting my MIL or us could do to change the fact that she decided to parent this baby. I hoped and prayed that she made the right decision to keep the baby and give him and the other 3 kids the family life that the kids deserve. We never heard from her, again.


After our return from China, I took back the 2ND crib and many other items to the stores that I had bought for this baby. I focus my attention on Emily and Emily alone. All the baby boy clothes, toys ans such were put on boxes and down to the basement. I kept thinking that we should have never go ahead with this adoption while trying to bond with Emily. Fortunately, Emily did not want to leave my side, day and night. I did sneak out to work at the office on several occasions and each time she saw me again, I will get the most exquisite and tight hugs, ever!

Life went on and a couple of weeks ago, I had the opportunity of giving away all the baby boys clothes to a worker of DH. I pulled all the boxes out, run my hands to the tiny clothes, pants, blankets and shoes that I was given to me or bought on my own. It was a painful departure but a healthy one because I was finally letting go of the painful memories that happened almost 3 years ago. I knew back then, that another domestic adoption was not in our future but I did not want to let go because I had tiny hopes that it might happen. I gave away 5 boxes full of baby boy clothes, onesis, toys, baby books, etc. I was finally letting go and have closure on that chapter of my life.

After a few days, I learned from my adoption agency that gotta day is going to be March 1st, in Taiyuan China.

I always believe that Gods timing is everything and that he has a great sense of humor.